Men's Hearts Shall Fail them for Fear

My Mom

We’re all witnessing what seems to be the worst: 

"Mother arrested for leaving infant in the car while paying for gas."

"Sex traffickers spotted at a local grocery store."

"Child missing in the mountains." 

We have fires in California, hurricanes on the East coast creating great floods, we have droughts. People are losing their jobs. The politics of our country is more divided and divisive than we have known in our lifetime (I call us “mid-lifers” because I’m not sure what gen name I fit under!). 

In short, “It’s the end of the world as we know it,” sings R.E.M. 

These are scary stories and do raise awareness for each of us.  However, I wonder if  too many mothers are allowing fear to control how they lead and guide their families.  I know I have completely fallen prey to the headlines and the anxieties they cause.  After Donovan’s birth, I was a mess!  I struggled with nursing and found myself frantically searching Google for every possible reason and solution for my problems. I can honestly say that baby number seven felt infinitely more stressful than baby number one — who was born 7 weeks premature and in the NICU for almost 4 weeks!  I attribute a lot of that to the technology that gives us instant answers — helpful or not. 

How do we let these fears dictate how we raise our children? 

Maybe we become helicopter parents. 

Maybe we keep our children too tightly in our grasp. 

Maybe we criticize more or yell more because we are just so tense inside. 

Maybe we numb ourselves with too much Instagram or Netflix. 

Maybe we just don’t let our kids explore all their options and then allowing them to make a decision. 

Maybe we don’t leave our houses (who has to when there’s Door Dash, InstaCart and online streaming?). 

Maybe we lose sleep worrying all night about what bad thing could possibly happen tomorrow! 

Living from a place of fear falsely leads us to believe that worrying is just in a mother’s job description. Yet I believe that, for the most part  — Everything is going to be okay. You are okay. We are okay. Our kids are okay!  (See previous post about my cousin’s book, The Kids Are Alright.) 

Why can I say we are okay? 

First, because so many other mothers in our past have been okay.  We can reach back into history, both worldwide and personal, and see how mothers have persevered through such difficult times. Every war in America witness strong mothers.  Elder Uchtdorf, in particular, has spoken of his dear mother and the struggles she faced in caring for her children amidst World War II.  Biblical women of strength such as Sarah, Rebekah and Mary can be some of our strongest examples.  And I guarantee we can look back at our own mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and see great trials overcome!  

Most things work out. Most children simply grow up to be people. Look at us! 

Secondly, Jesus asked Peter, “Wherefore didst thou doubt?” 

Likewise, when Alma exhorted his people to “remember the Lord their God” they hushed their fears.  Elder Bednar states, “Correct knowledge of and faith in the Lord empower us to hush our fears because Jesus Christ is the only source of enduring peace. He declared, ‘Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me.’” 

How do we put our fears aside to trust and have faith in Jesus?  How can we truly partner with Him in guiding, leading and nurturing our children? We can do just as Elder Bednar suggests: hush our fears by learning of and listening to our Savior. This will look different for each of us. 

Maybe we let our kids go outside without us. 

Maybe we hug our kids just enough so they feel our love, but not so tight they can’t escape. 

Maybe take a deep breath and say a little prayer before lashing out for the umpteenth time that 

day! 

Maybe we turn off the TV and read a book to our child. 

Maybe we let our kids explore their options and then allow them to make a decision. 

Maybe we leave our houses to explore the library, the park, the big new museum in our town. 

Maybe we watch our children sleeping and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done, then drift peacefully off to sleep ourselves knowing tomorrow will be just another day. 

Conclusion

As much as I love R.E.M., this is not the end of the world.  Granted, life is constantly changing and there are new experiences and trials to navigate; but I believe when we mother from a place of faith rather than fear, we and our children can be much happier through those struggles. When living with faith, our fear of being the perfect mother actually becomes a reality because we are being present in our homes, not caught up in our minds with worry and doubt. 

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“Fret not thyself…Trust in the Lord, and do good…” 

Psalm 37:1, 3