You Need a Conflict to Make a Story Good

In talking to a friend awhile back she shared with me how she wanted to be a young adult fiction author but that she gets stuck when she reaches the conflict because she wants to hurry and solve the problem…she hates conflict!  

And yet, you need a conflict in order to have a good story! 

I, too, don’t like conflict.  Well, let me rephrase that — I don’t like contention and have become more comfortable with conflict. I am married to a man who somehow thrives on conflict. He loves having a problem to be solved. He loves thinking of subjects in a way that pushes the boundaries and challenges belief.  I will admit, this has brought some conflict into our marriage!  

However, isn’t this what life is about? We are here to have a human experience which will inevitably bring conflict — pain, struggle, doubt, fear, differences, paradox, etc.  Though this is a normal part of human life, our brains want to solve every problem, make everything right and comfortable. 

How do we find peace amidst the struggle? How do we still believe our lives are a good story even when there is conflict? 

The Law of Opposition 

Often when we talk about the law of opposition (from Lehi’s discourse in 2 Nephi), we often discuss trials and tribulations.  This is definitely one aspect of the law.  We will have those. However, the law of opposition can be more than that.  

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states it best: For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.  

Looking at other examples: 

In exercising our bodies, we must have an opposing force to strength the muscles. In art, chiaroscuro is an effect of contrasted light and dark. To grow, a seed needs to push through the soil. The Chinese symbol of Yin & Yang teaches us there is equal measures of both good and bad, light and dark, pleasure and pain.  

Opposing forces are more than just trials, then.  Opposition is a necessary part of mortality in all forms and functions.  

Elder Delbert L. Stapley has said, “The opposing forces in life are essential for our growth and development.”   Likewise, Sister Joy D. Jones has taught that in order to make deliberate decisions we must be “enticed by one or the other” in any matter.  

And so again, how do we still believe our lives are a good story when there is conflict?  

Acceptance. 

When we resist the opposition, when we “kick against the goad” (so to speak), we will suffer more.  The pain is inevitable, we are told, but suffering is optional. To the degree we resist oppositions will be the degree in which we suffer.  

Here are a few ways we can lean into acceptance: 

• Accept the Mess.  Turn toward the messy thought and feelings with acceptance and compassion. 

• Acknowledge that acceptance does not mean submission or resignation to ‘whatever will be will    be.’ Rather, it’s an opportunity to feel human. Once we accept the reality of any situation, then we can move forward in a more confident and healthy way to resolve the conflict (if there is a resolution to be found). “Acceptance is an act of courage, not surrender (Pavel Somov).” 

• Practice Mindful Awareness. Mindfulness means observation without judgment. When a painful experience or conflict comes into your life, take as step back and simply observe the feeling, the thought, the action. There is no need to judge or analyze or create a story around everything that happens to us.

• Embrace and acknowledge our weaknesses.  If opposition is a necessary part of being human, our weaknesses provide some of that opposition naturally.  Remember, weakness is a gift from God (Ether 12:27 and Brene Brown). Rather than trying so hard to rid ourselves from them, let’s embrace our weaknesses and see what they can provide for us on our human journey. 

Concluding Thought

At some point I looked up the opposite of resentment and what came up was: Acceptance.  Acceptance is a practice we can adopt when working through conflict. It’s a pathway to healthy grieving. Acceptance is humility. Acceptance is a cure for perfectionism. Ultimately, acceptance brings us to peace amidst the inevitable struggles of life. Maybe that’s really why we’re here, simply to learn to let go, have faith, stop struggling…and accept our mortality as a necessary part of our eternal journey. 

* * * * * 

My strength is made perfect in weakness…for when I am weak, then am I strong.  — 2 Corinthians 12:9-10