Does Balance Exist?

Hello! 

I took a break from writing last week because…We had a WEDDING! My darling Brooklynn married a wonderful man, Parker. Our weekend was so joyful!  It’s taking me a full week to recover from the weeks and months of planning and preparing, but I’m ready for my 2025 to finally begin. 

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I was recently listening to A Slight Change of Plans (a new favorite podcast of mine) where ambition and success were being discussed.  Jennifer Romolini, author of Ambition Monster, had been a corporate mogul.  She was working in the C Suite, making plenty of money and managing life as a busy working mother. However, chronic laryngitis attacked her vocal cords and she could not speak for several months.  When she returned to work, she realized she didn’t want to work at the level her employers wanted her to anymore.  So, she was let go and she found a more mid-level job. Going through this journey caused her to rethink what it means to be successful and why we strive so dang hard to make it to the top. 

One of her final statements struck me. She said, “I have designed my life in such a way that nothing is neglected. My relationships aren’t neglected. I’m not neglected. My work isn’t neglected. Everything is in balance.”  

When I heard this I quickly replayed the quote so I could write it down. That thought sounded so appealing to me! 

What would it be like to say such a bold statement — “Nothing is neglected.”

Balance Doesn’t Exist 

In the same moment I also remembered something Elder Bednar taught about balance and after talking this through with a friend, I found a video clip of his analogy. 

“Balance doesn’t exist,” he says. 

And yet… 

When I listened more closely to what he was saying, I realized that maybe he and Romolini are saying similar things. 

Romolini wasn’t saying that everything is great or smooth all the time.  After this statement she talks about how her cat died over the weekend.  And because of the life she has created she was able to take the time to mourn and grieve the loss of this dear companion. 

When answering the question,“How do you balance it all?” Elder Bednar’s first response is, “Stop worrying about it.” And then he goes on to speak of mindfulness.  Be in the moment. When you’re at work, be at work. When you’re at home, be at home.  

And I have seen this in the lives of the apostles. Whenever I have met one of these great leaders, I have felt that they are present. They are in the moment, doing what is most needful at that time. They look into your eyes and shake your hand fully engaged in the moment.  I’ve often been in awe of this presence of mind, body and spirit they carry with them. 

So, Does Balance Exist? 

Maybe this is just a matter of semantics and perspective.  Elder Bednar does use the word neglect — “When I’m with my family I’m neglecting church service and employment.”  I would argue that neglect isn’t the right word to use.  When we think of neglecting our family while serving in the church or neglecting our work when attending to the needs of a friend, we can then feel shame for whichever choice we are making rather than living in the moment and caring for “the one thing…needed (Luke 10:42).” 

Could this be what Jesus is telling Martha? Not that she is doing the wrong thing, but that she doesn’t need to be worried and troubled about many things (verse 41)” all at once.  Maybe Mary is focusing on one thing at one time — in this case, listening to Jesus — and that is His message. Mary is fully engaged in the moment. 

Putting this into Practice 

Yes, it is semantics, but it’s also a mindset.  I put my thoughts into practice the other day.  A friend of mine was down because she put her back out. Having arranged a play date with our sons already, I drove over to drop my boy off and took a minute to check on her.  Needing distraction from her pain, we visited for over an hour. By the time I got home it was time to make dinner.  Normally my thoughts would go to shame and self-flagellation: 

I shouldn’t have stayed so long. 

My husband is going to be upset I didn’t make dinner.  

Why am I the only one who has to make dinner around here? 

There’s so much to do, I can’t do it all! 

I neglected my family. 

However, that day I decided to not think about neglecting my family.  Instead I thought, “My friend needed me. Now my family needs dinner. What options do I have?” I still could have made dinner and we could have eaten a bit later than expected. But, none of my kids were even home that night, so I stole J. away from his work and we grabbed a bite to eat — a quick, impromptu date before the boys got home. The boys were content to have cereal or whatever; they were fed. 

Asking myself what was needful in the moment, I turned to caring for those around me rather than feeling resentment and frustration over all the things I had to do but couldn’t get to. It worked! Everyone involved (including myself) felt loved and cared for. 

I agree with Elder Bednar that balance does not exist when we’re frantically thinking about all the things we are not doing. With Romolini, I also love the idea that we can design our lives in such a way that nothing feels neglected.  Life circumstances will always shift, change and grow. We have big families and busy work and church responsibilities.  We have ailing parents and homes to care for. Yes, there is always something more to do or someone else to love. However, I believe Elder Bednar, Jesus and Jennifer Romolini are all saying only one thing is needful at any one time.When we fully engage in that one moment, that one person, that one thing — nothing is neglected. 

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“I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.  I can’t see it.  Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day.” 

— Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf