I’m such a good mom!

We had a four day weekend last week.  Kids were out of school on Friday for a virtual school day and then Monday was President’s Day.  These weekends are both fun and stressful for me because I feel like I need to plan some big outing or spend the whole weekend giving my kids hours of quality time. I didn’t feel like this when I was homeschooling because I felt like I gave them plenty of my time, but this pressure of school breaks has become very real. 

So… 

Knowing this weekend was coming up I created a plan — not too big, but something.  All I wanted to do was get our cross country skiing. Saturday would be the day to get our ski stuff in order. We needed to heck on what we had and then go buy the stuff we needed.  Then, Monday we would go skiing.  

Saturday came around and we took the morning slow.  Also, because it had snowed the last two days, the snow was gorgeous — powdery and fresh! The sun was shining.  Saturday was such a beautiful day. So, I told my family, “Let’s just rent whatever we need and go skiing today instead.” I could not pass up on what looked like a perfect day — especially knowing that by Monday it could all be yucky again. 

We packed up the car with what we had, drove to the local cross country skiing course (aka golf course) and suited up.  We spent a good hour on the trail and had a lovely time. 

When Monday came around I was still feeling anxious something — get outside, go on an adventure.  We could go skiing again or we could get some friends together to go sledding.  I threw out lots of options. However, we had a couple of sick kids, we had another slow morning (best part of breaks!), and even I could tell I was forcing myself to want an outing. 

My thoughts went wild for a minute. 

“We can’t just stay home!  We need to do something. I have to get my boys outside.” And then I asked msyelf, “Why? Why do I need to get my kids outside?” 

The answer: “I’m a bad mom if we don’t go out and do something today.”

I vocalized this to my husband, “I need the boys to get outside so I feel like a good mom. I don’t really care what we do, but to feel like a good mom, we have to do something.” 

J asked, “Do you think I’m a bad dad then? Because I never take them anywhere.” 

I responded, “Yes. Actually. I do think that good parents take their kids on adventures and get them outside…even in the winter!” 

Acknowledging what I was telling myself —“I’m doing this because I need to feel like a good mom” —and then vocalizing this to my husband liberated me from the lie that getting the kids outside makes me a good mom. I knew what I was saying really wasn’t true.  In reality, neither decision made me a good or a bad mother.  Now that I had my head on straight, I still knew that if the boys just sat around inside all day playing video games or whatever, then I would be doing them a disservice and I would feel frustrated.

So, I told the boys they had to go play outside for at least thirty minutes. They went to the back yard and built sledding hills.  They played out there for an hour or more!  While J and I sat with our brewed cocoa watching through the window as our boys played, I kept saying, “Man! Look at them having so much fun together. I am such a good mom! Look at me being such a good mom!” It became the joke of the day. 

This desire was okay: I wanted to get my boys outside because I don’t like when they just sit and play video games. That’s not a bad or wrong thought. What caused me the real tension was the idea that I would be a bad mom if I didn’t get them on an adventure that day. 

The truth is we don’t have to listen to or believe the stories we create in our minds!  

Though we went nowhere and had no grand adventure, Monday turned out to be one of the loveliest days. Honestly, it was a much needed day of rest and rejuvenation, preparing us for another busy week ahead. 

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“When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.”

 — Brene Brown